Remember when.....

I remember when I was 11 things were so simple nothing was complex or at least the world around me didn't matter so much. Now however at the ripe age of 29.... everything seems to matter. I seem to create complexity in my life as if I don't, I will stop moving, stop worrying, and fall over and die (You never know it could happen). Now I know my sudden case of "stop stressing and die syndrome" creeps into my thoughts everyday. I cannot seem to convince myself that if I just breath, I can still exist, still be loved, still go on with my life of rules and ideas and stress. My friends mother...... (I will call her "mother Sharon" to be compared to "mother Teresa" because I am convinced she is my spiritual guide at this point.) She says to me "dear you have not let go of all of these things because you are afraid. You are searching the world for stability in everyone and everything. You have to be ready to make changes be unstable and love it. Everything does not have to be perfection you do not have to be the glue. The people that love you will not hate you, will not be disappointed and your world will not fall to pieces if you let go of worrying about EVERYTHING." She added "I have never seen any young lady carry the universe on her shoulders, and then add a couple of pounds just for measure, eventually you are going to collapse under the pressure."
I thought about what she said for a while and then for a couple days to follow, I had not had a lot of stability in my life not even since I was a child but I had never looked at it that way. When I was a child the world did not crumble, or stop spinning. The people in my life did not drop me off at a fire station and say "she is too carefree we don't want her", although I am sure my mother thought about it. When you are younger you take in everything the stars at night, a particular movie like "Lost Boys" anything any simple pleasure can be a happy moment. As we grow and lose our "child self" we start worrying about all the things we don't have, how to fill the empty space in our heads, homes, and heart. We forget to stop and smell the lilacs. (I am particularly fond of lilacs.) Its like yoga and meditation teaches what if we are good and perfect just as we are in our original self no changes? I remember a time more simple when I didn't worry so much a time when I didn't search for stability because I thought it was already there. You know when you are 11 you don't actually see your family as at fault for making you crazy that does'nt come till 17.