Just another Ordinary Day

When things go wrong eventually you have to move on from it and quit dwelling. Soon all that's wrong becomes normal or in the past and you have to return to the person you were before disaster struck. Its funny you realize in life you cant fix everything ...... ha lets be honest its rare you can truly "fix" anything it doesn't erase the past or change the future. I'm woke up this morning only to realize I have been harboring guilt (as we have spoken about before) and sadness and hatred and all of the nasty little things that will slowly and silently pull you apart. Its as if a stranger is creeping and lurking in your room waiting for the perfect moment to strike. The moment you are at your weakest point, defenseless from your attacker (which by the way is yourself) all those nasty little feelings you have been tucking away, will jump out from behind the curtain and BAMM...... your crumbled on the floor in a pile of nothing looking as if your life has drained out of you. The worst part is if you survive you realize you only have yourself to blame. I have witnessed it myself on many occasions in everyday ordinary life with many people. Spend too much time with negative you become weak worn and venerable to the elements. Learning to let go and be happy or grant forgiveness is the most difficult things to do.
Every day is ordinary its what you do with it that makes you extraordinary. You can spend another day doing what you have always done or you can choose to change yourself which will result in a change in your environment, and then guess what? This will actually result in changes in your life. You will have more time to enjoy life and truly enjoy those you have decided to keep in your life. (Lets be honest some of the people that created or aided your little obsession with anger have to go). Ill end this here given I have a term paper to finish..... everyday is an ordinary day but you have the opportunity to make it extraordinary clean out the clutter in your life if its unnecessary LET IT GO. Allow yourself to be happy.

Confusion to Completion

Guilt can be an aweful thing. Its as if we all just want to continue punishing ourselves for everything. I tend to apologize for no reason what so ever, maybe to take the blame from others maybe I truely feel its my fault. Either way we get so caught up over guilt. Guilt because we ate something we should'nt, guilt because we were lazy instead of doing laundry on a sunday. We feel guilt over the strangest things. We fill our lives with the daily routines as if anything goes wrong we may fall apart. I recently realized my busy lifestyle, over filled with school, work, home life, friends, and hobbies were overwhelming. Not to mention my daily guilt of not getting enough out of life. My job seemed to not matter my degree seemed too broad and my homelife was a constant battle to relax. I even made other people feel guilty for not getting more out of thier life, for being "lazy".

I had to question myself and everyone around me. I wondered "Is everyone feeling like this or are people out there actually happy and satisfied with themselves? Does everyone feel guilty if they eat a doughnut? Or am I a doughnut?" I decided I was sick with feeling not good enough, not complete enough, not happy enough. When did I get to feel "full", complete, fullfilled? Before it had always been "I will be happy when......" What about right now? What do I really want? This blog will be my journey of self exploration my path to wherever it is that would create a more "peaceful" or "complete" me. I am about to turn 30 these are the questions maybe everyone asks...dont they? I hope so... but if not that just makes me unique...not insane..