So you thought

When I was a little girl I use to tell my parents that when I graduated high school I was going to go to attend Harvard or Yale. I wasn't sure what I exactly wanted to be, but I had ideas. I wanted to effect the world perhaps not changing it, so to speak but offer something, bring something to the table. I feel when I was younger I was always trying to impress my parents or their friends, or my sister or anyone that would look in my direction for that matter. I`ve spent most of my adult years just trying to impress myself, you would think that would be easier.....its not. I`ve recently experienced loss, the loss of love, the loss of friendship, the loss of a job and in a nut shell the loss of my identity. I recently moved home with my mother who is also out of a job and out of unemployment checks, so that I could keep the two of us from being homeless. I have never had to rely on anyone besides myself except for the occasional loan from my best friend who knows I would rather eat glass then ask for anything. That being said I have been blessed with the most supportive and amazing people in my life, and I thank god for the inspiration and beauty each of them brings to me.
This particular time in my life has made me take a long look in the mirror, its funny we tend to do that when times are at their darkest. I`ve realized although I am strong I am not indestructible, although I am sometimes larger than life I am only a piece of the larger picture. I am not perfect. (I think this is one we all know but yet we expect so much from ourselves.) I have always wanted to be able to fix things, take away pain, repair the broken, a trait I assure you complicates my life, and also creates joy and great happiness in my soul when I am able to  fulfill my expectations of myself.
The world is not a lonely place but our thoughts are, its a tough road to go from having everything you want to watching each favorite thing in your life stripped away one by one. Its humbling and to be honest I am only one person. I cannot begin to fathom the feelings of a mother or  father, with a family to support in my same situation. Its happening across America, and I worry I wont be able to take care of my mother, I cannot imagine if I had children what I would do. I have no 401K, no savings and little retirement. Now if you are anything like me all you are probably thinking is "well that's your fault you didn't plan better!" on the other hand I think "When was I suppose to afford that?" I attend college full time through an online degree program, and I have until recently had a decent job in marketing that didn't pay well but I made ends meet. I am 30 years old and I consider myself intelligent. I made a very valid effort to be successful over the last ten years. Yet I feel defeated, as if I have failed myself, my parents and all the people I have tried so dearly to "impress". The numerous people across America experiencing the same defeat, the same failure, will take years to rebuild and reinvent themselves. So what about the meantime? How do you cope, find the strength and move on? Please feel free to share your story, ideas or rants if you or someone you know are going through the same thing.