Confusion to Completion

Guilt can be an aweful thing. Its as if we all just want to continue punishing ourselves for everything. I tend to apologize for no reason what so ever, maybe to take the blame from others maybe I truely feel its my fault. Either way we get so caught up over guilt. Guilt because we ate something we should'nt, guilt because we were lazy instead of doing laundry on a sunday. We feel guilt over the strangest things. We fill our lives with the daily routines as if anything goes wrong we may fall apart. I recently realized my busy lifestyle, over filled with school, work, home life, friends, and hobbies were overwhelming. Not to mention my daily guilt of not getting enough out of life. My job seemed to not matter my degree seemed too broad and my homelife was a constant battle to relax. I even made other people feel guilty for not getting more out of thier life, for being "lazy".

I had to question myself and everyone around me. I wondered "Is everyone feeling like this or are people out there actually happy and satisfied with themselves? Does everyone feel guilty if they eat a doughnut? Or am I a doughnut?" I decided I was sick with feeling not good enough, not complete enough, not happy enough. When did I get to feel "full", complete, fullfilled? Before it had always been "I will be happy when......" What about right now? What do I really want? This blog will be my journey of self exploration my path to wherever it is that would create a more "peaceful" or "complete" me. I am about to turn 30 these are the questions maybe everyone asks...dont they? I hope so... but if not that just makes me unique...not insane..